Review: Miss U.S. of Heya by Menorah Horwitz

“Are you a fan of fierce?
Do you adore the adorable?
Then there is a woman for you, and her name is the miss U.S of Heya!”

This book is a testimonial to the woman over the years whom have walked the Heya runway. Some were winners, some were losers, some showed up with a bad attitude and stayed in the bathroom smoking cigarettes the entire show.

And it had some of the most gorgeous illustrations to both sides.

I decided to feature my favorites from each section.

First, we have the winners:Screen Shot 2016-07-14 at 23.45.02

In her acceptance speech, Bonnibelle Braighthwaight thanked her middle school teacher. “I was twelve, crying as I hesitated with the scalpel in my hand. You told me to dream big and cut my way to the top. And here I am today.”

Screen Shot 2016-07-14 at 23.47.57Catherine Cullote declined to answer the panel’s questions, instead dwelling on the past while towel drying her hair. Pronschack remembers, “She’d just gotten out of a relationships and entered the competition to distract herself. It was like watching someone fall in slow motion, and when someone falls for you, you fall for them.”Screen Shot 2016-07-14 at 23.48.51Genevieve Gelt, a descendant of foreign royalty, utilized a seemingly simple strategy in her bid for the crown: whenever the other girls spoke, she rifled through her mini backpack really loudly. “I wanted to send them a message. But I was also looking for chapstick. It worked on a few levels.”   

Then the innovators (“these girls didn’t get a crown, but they probably could make their own out of popsicle sticks.”):

Screen Shot 2016-07-14 at 23.52.10Brigitte Boule’s signature cat eye started the fashion fad no one saw coming, least of all Brigitte. “That was a really good year for us,” says one animal shelter owner.Screen Shot 2016-07-14 at 23.53.21Gilda Greere credits her unique style to her mother, who also designs all of her outfits. “Mom ate a lot of rubber cement as a child. Needless to say one ends up seeing the world differently. But she’s a visionary, really.”  Screen Shot 2016-07-14 at 23.55.38

And, not to forget, the losers:

Screen Shot 2016-07-14 at 23.58.09Lorelai Leane hoped her sunny disposition would carry her through the competition but she found herself in for a rude awakening. “You’re giving me rainbow, but I’m saying ‘Reign? No.’,” Pornschack told the ingénue. Leane later voluntarily checked into a residential treatment center, from which she has yet to discharge herself.

Screen Shot 2016-07-15 at 00.00.25Brenda Borgnine’s loss almost speaks for itself. But Pornschack would prefer it doesn’t. “She could have been a winner. Those death camp hair barrettes? To die for. But she these ruddy cheeks that made me want to grab a carving knife. Miss U.S of Heya can be offensive, she just can’t be puffy

And last but not least, the advice (my favorite section):

Screen Shot 2016-07-15 at 00.01.20“Wear something that represents your mental health. People won’t ask how you’re doing unless you show them something is wrong.” —Ronda Romita 

Screen Shot 2016-07-15 at 00.01.41“If you can’t pick an eyebrow shape, pick them all.” — Bunny Brubaker

Screen Shot 2016-07-15 at 00.01.53“Look at the world with rose tinted lenses. It makes everything pink and lessens the stink.” —Nilina Neverly 

I read Miss U.S. of Heya in one sitting because it was simply unputdownable. And I felt really sad when it came to an end (I even reread some passages). The illustrations and the captions underneath were truly fascinating and compelling!

ARC kindly provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

3/5 stars

Note: I’m an Amazon Affiliate. If you’re interested in buying Miss U.S. of Heya, just click on the image below to go through my link. I’ll make a small commission!

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